Practicing Gratitude
Missing the Opportunity to Thank
In high school, I had a teacher that changed my life and the course of my career. Mr. Windsor was a diligent, hard-working teacher who demanded excellence and cared about his students. He helped me to face my insecurities about my writing and breakthrough to a higher level of performance. I had said “thank you” to him on several occasions when he helped me, but even as I graduated from high school, it felt to me that I should have communicated more.
I went on to college, earned a Ph.D., and had a successful career in higher education. In my mind, I accomplished these things thanks, in part, to Mr. Windsor, and it nagged at my conscience that I had not communicated my gratitude in a more meaningful way. Twenty-five years later, I tracked Mr. Windsor down and called his home to tell him of my gratitude. His sister answered the phone and kindly told me that Mr. Windsor had died the month before. I expressed my sadness and condolences to Mr. Windsor’s sister that day, and we had a good conversation about his love for students and his influence on me. Still, I must admit that I beat myself up a bit every time I remember this long procrastination.
Gratitude Procrastination
This led me to do a little soul-searching about why I procrastinate about expressing my deep gratitude to others. I realized I put it off because I am waiting for the inspiration to write a “masterpiece of gratitude” and get stuck looking for the highest levels of inspiration. A carefully crafted “masterpiece” takes hours for me, and, given my time constraints and this ridiculous expectation for myself, the expression of deep gratitude rarely happens.
Over the past year, I have been determined to change my gratitude practices, and I found this resource from Greater Good in Action to help me become more disciplined in communicating my gratitude to others. This practice takes just ten minutes, sharpens my awareness of gratitude, increases my joy, and profoundly enriches my personal and professional relationships.
In my journal, I keep a list of people I am grateful for and add to it every time I feel thankful for a person. As I have slowed down a little this year, I have noticed that my list of “gratitude people” far outruns my capacity to communicate my gratitude. This is actually a good problem to have. It is far better to have a long list of people I am sincerely thankful for than it would be if I had too few.
The Specific Practice of Gratitude
With this ever-growing list in hand and the journal I carry with me everywhere, I try to write my letters of gratitude when I have a spare 10 minutes. Last week I wrote one while I was waiting in the lobby of a tire center waiting to have the snow tires put on my car. I try to keep the practice simple, and it looks like this:
I select a relative, friend, professional colleague, teacher, or mentor and spend a few minutes thinking about that person.
Then I start to write to that person in my journal without worrying about grammar or spelling. The goal is not perfection. It is to express my thoughts and feelings of gratitude.
I describe how this person’s attitudes or actions have influenced my life in concrete, specific terms.
Then, I describe how this has made me feel and how often I remember them.
I write no more than 250-300 words.
Once I have done this, I don’t let the day end until I get it out of my outbox. When I am done, I re-write the letter from my journal as a handwritten note or email message and send it off. Sometimes I read the letter as a recording, a video, or an audio recording on my phone, instead of writing it out and then attach it to a text message. You can skip the journal part altogether, but I keep it to remind myself of the person and my reasons for gratitude.
Thank you for reading this post. I wish you and those in your circle of affection a happy and grateful Thanksgiving.
Gratitude is an essential discipline of personal leadership. Are you looking to sharpen the disciplines that help you to be your highest and best? Contact Michael Le Roy for a free, confidential consultation to see if executive advising is right for you.